Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
