how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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