Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
