Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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