we have pet lesbian snakes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
