hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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