i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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