just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
