Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
