Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
