OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
