Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
