Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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