Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
