Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
