I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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