dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
