how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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