Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
