Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
