I can text with my tongue
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
