hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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