We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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