mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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