is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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