my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
