Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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