i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
