i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is Oprah even human
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
