I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
