paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
