first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
