Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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