is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
