Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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