either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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