those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
