I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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