And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
