This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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