so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So squirting runs in the family.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
