I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
