apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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