So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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