I didn't shave. On purpose
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
