lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
