Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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