can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
