she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
