ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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