final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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