I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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