also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
