Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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