nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
